i try not to wonder where you are.

I realize now that it's not your looks that i like so much (though, youre definately worth looking at) as how you make me feel when i'm around you. you always seem to know what i want or need and you always make me smile. thanks.

"i thought we were friends, i guess it just depends who you ask"-alkaline trio (calling all skeletons)

Things I don't want for Christmas..... Anything foam, anything to do with painting, anything "as seen on tv", a scarf, anything knit or crochet.

the only thing that makes you a part of my life is that i keep thinking about you...

i thought i saw you the other day. my heart started to race. it probably wasnt even you. i need to figure out how to get my heart to stop doing that.
but he was wearing clothes like you do.

So I think that my heart is starting to change my mind.... Or maybe its the other way around. The more I think about Andrew the less I think about or even want Chris. I haven't prayed about bit yet but I will tonight. Because I know that as much as my heart wants/needs him I know that he is clueless to the whole thing. He has apparently changed not only physically but emotionally over the past 2 yrs. And I haven't. Yes emotionally I have grown so much but physically I haven't really changed and its killing me. I am 22. Yeah I know I still have life ahead of me but I don't want to live that life alone.
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I don't hate you I'm just hurt that you haven't even tried

Could you miss me just once? Please.

"we were always meant to say goodbye" -kelly clarkson song 'already gone'

i cant love you anymore
theres a part of my heart that
sees the parts of you that my eyes cant
it doesnt like you
that part.
its reeal
its deep into you sould
its ugly
its truth
i guess its who you are.
sorry, i hate you.

i am scared of you. of what you'll say. of what you think of me. i am afraid to let you know because i think im afraid you'll like me back and even worse, that you wont. i ultimately want to be your friend. if thats all we ever are, that will have been enough...

"i'm somewhere over the rainbow for you" -the gaslight anthem song 'the blues, mary'

I will remember...
and you will forget.

someone's going to steal my heart while you're making up your mind

I HATE people who tell me what I am feeling or what I am going through.
Young and/or old people are always telling me that I'm happy, upset,
angry, pms-ing, that my face is turning red. Why the hell do people do that?
Its my effing life! Stop judging me and my emotions.

i dont want to be the one
that you coming running to
when someone runs
away from you

i thought i wanted to find you, when i guess all i ever wanted was for you to see me. find ME. want ME. love ME. not her. not anyone else. because i COULD love you.

tonight the sky cries the tears

tonight the sky cries the tears.
my body wont let me.
i know i shouldnt
waste my time
or energy
or tears
on you.
the rain pours down anyway.
i thank the rain for knowing
what i need.
you didnt...

i used to ache for you while you were with her.
now i ache becacuse i realize you only wanted me while you were with her.
never did you want me when you could've had me.
whats wrong with you?

friday the 13th
i saw you.
you looked well.
how can i ever tell
why you left
by the photo in the paper?
my heart found an answer.
is my answer
the reason you left?
why did you leave me?

We did belong once.
for a moment in time.
i bet my eyes glistened.
i couldn't tell by your face,
if you loved me.
i think i loved you.
lost in a moment
we were.
it seemed

Today I hate everyone. everything anyone does gets on my nerves and sends rage through my skin and I don't know who I want to hurt more, me or them. I can't help it.

To Chris

"You fill me with passion, hate, excitement, fear, joy.. All at once. When I'm around you sometimes its hard for me to breath I am so filled with different emotions. And don't take it the wrong way. It terrifies me because I don't know what that means.. I haven't ever felt that before and scares me a little"This is what I would say to him if I ever had the guts to do it.

I hate that when I found out my aunt died you were the one person I wanted to see or talk to and you ignored me. I hate that when I'm sad all I want to do is talk to you and you would rather be out with your friends. I hate that your the kind of guy who will make a plan and then never talk about it again and I'm stupid enough to think that you would actually follow through with it. I hate that no matter how mad I am at you that I never want to give you up when I never even had you to begin with because your my best friend and I'm just another clingy girl that you rarely hang out with

when i ask how your day was
im reallky asking how you can live without me near you

of course
because i wanted you
while you wanted her
you'd never want me
if you did want me
i wouldnt WANT you
i'd HAVE you
instead of you having her
and not me

I miss being able to talk to someone. So much I want to cry. First I talked to brandon, then chris, then chris, then steve. Now I have no one. I feel I will be alone forever and I will be trapt in my head for all eternity. I lost my best firend 2 weeks ago, and my true best friend is moving to the other side of the continent in 5 days. I'm alone in my life right now. I want to cry all the time. My heart is broken not from love but the lack of even friendship. I try to tell my mother things but it never comes out right and she always ends up judging me

I found this quote online the other day, I like it.

We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved. ~Author Unknown

So its said that if you can't tell the truth to the people you care about the most, eventually you stop being able to tell the truth to yourself. I guess that's one of my main issues. Its not that I mean to lie about how I feel, its just that I still haven't been able to put it into a verbal account. Journals and blogs, that's my outlet, and I can't bring myself to even letting my family and friends read them. So for now, my thoughts go out to you. Thanks for listening. ~Sam

Although I feel for her, I can't let myself become her

i light up when he signs on
isnt that sick?
he doesnt even know
well maybe he does a little
its all for nothing if he'll never know

we joke about how i know about you.
but inside im writing those things dow in pen.
you are permanent in my book.